An excerpt from my 2024 book, Shifting the Energy:
When you find your mind stuck on painful thoughts or you detect tension in your body, it’s helpful to take a few minutes to recalibrate so you don’t continue to burn through emotional and cognitive energy at such a rapid pace.
NINE stands for Notice, Invite, Nurture, and Exhale. These four steps are designed to soothe your nervous system and shift your perspective. I developed the NINE Method using inspiration from multiple experts in the areas of neuroscience, psychology, resilience, joy, and mindfulness.*
You can use NINE anytime you sense yourself getting caught up in stressful thoughts or feelings. It can also be a helpful way to transition out of your workday and reset yourself before entering the next phase of your day.
Step 1: Notice
Take a deep, calming breath and notice the thoughts your mind is processing right now. Take a moment to name or label them. For instance, I’m feeling fear or anger or sadness.
Now, bring your attention to your body and notice the sensations you’re experiencing inside your body. Where are they in your body? Slowly scan your neck, shoulders, and jaw. Is there any tightness there? Now, scan your chest and your abdomen. Are you bracing or tensing any muscles there? Is your heart beating quickly? Are you feeling queasy? Finally, bring your attention to your back and your hips. Are you bracing or tensing any muscles there?
Notice the sensations in each of these areas and the feelings rising to the surface. Which one feeling are you most aware of? Which feeling seems to be bigger than the rest? Here are examples of painful feelings and where they show up as sensations in the body:
- Anger often comes through as the tenseness of our shoulders, jaw, and abdominal muscles.
- Fear and anxiety can show up as a racing heartbeat and queasiness or discomfort around our stomach.
- Sadness can feel like a heaviness in our chest or throat and a desire to cry.
Step 2: Invite
Keeping that biggest feeling in mind, imagine that feeling as if it were a person who wants to protect you. Now, imagine that protective person wants to warn you about something. What do they desperately want you to know about your safety?
Examples of messages a feeling could be trying to convey:
- I want you to be angry because someone is criticizing you unfairly.
- I want you to be scared because I know you won’t be able to get everything done today, and you’ll have to let someone down because of it.
- I want you to be sad because you lost an opportunity you really wanted, and I don’t want it to happen to you again.
If it doesn’t feel natural to have an imaginary chat with a feeling, that’s totally understandable.
Instead, just take a moment to explore what’s causing the feeling you’re experiencing. This is a perfect time to tune in to your intuition to see what it’s trying to warn you about.
Step 3: Nurture
Now that you have a clearer understanding of the thoughts leading to your feeling, select the type of nurturing figure you’d like to hear from.
Would you like to hear from someone who wants to provide encouragement? Or would you like to hear from someone who wants you to see the situation through a different lens?
Examples of nurturing figures you may want to hear from:
- A loving parent who provides reassurance and comfort.
- A sports coach who gives motivating pep talks and helps you focus on the single thing you need to keep in mind when you get back in the game.
- An inspiring leader who reminds you of the future you’re working toward and helps you create the plan to make it possible.
Imagine what this nurturing figure would want to tell you about the feeling you’re experiencing and the situation causing it.
Step 4: Exhale
As a final step, you’ll use your breath to send a signal to your nervous system that you’re safe and it doesn’t have to be on high alert any longer.
- Slowly inhale for a count of four.
- Then, take one more brief inhale as you reach the top of that breath.
- Hold this for a count of four.
- Then, exhale with an audible sigh, letting your shoulders drop.
This is called a double inhale with an audible sigh. Breathe like this as many times as you’d like. There’s no number of breaths you should take. Just allow the process to flow naturally and trust that whatever it ends up being is exactly what it was supposed to be.
You can also use this double inhale with an audible sigh throughout your day whenever you notice your nervous system is on high alert. You might detect that through tension in your jaw or shoulders or bracing your abdominal muscles.
If the exhale with an audible sigh doesn’t feel right to you, just extend your exhale so it’s longer than your inhale.
It might look like inhaling for four, taking in one more brief inhale, holding your breath for a count of four, and then exhaling for a count of eight.
*Amen, D. G., MD. (2015). Change your brain, change your life (Revised and expanded): The Breakthrough Program for Conquering Anxiety, Depression, Obsessiveness, Lack of Focus, Anger, and Memory Problems. Harmony.
Harris, R. (2022). The Happiness Trap (Second Edition): How to Stop Struggling and Start Living. Shambhala Publications.
LePera, N. (2022). How to Meet Your Self: The Workbook for Self-Discovery. Hachette UK.
Leaf, C. (2021). Cleaning Up Your Mental Mess: 5 Simple, Scientifically Proven Steps to Reduce Anxiety, Stress, and Toxic Thinking. Baker Books.
Nestor, J. (2020). Breath: The New Science of a Lost Art. Penguin.
About the Author
A former communication executive and global leadership advisor, Jessica Walter has been helping leaders solve culture, engagement, and communication challenges since 2002.
She spent 15 years on the executive teams of government, non-profit, and publicly traded businesses before transitioning into research and advisory roles, including senior positions at a global consulting firm.
Her research includes leading multiple studies on communication, relationships, and leadership effectiveness that included input from more than 200,000 employees across multiple industries, job types, and geographic regions. She recently published the insights from her research in her book, Shifting the Energy: How Love Leads Remarkable Teams.
In 2023, she was a featured speaker at the annual conference of the Society of Industrial and Organization Psychology where she gave a presentation on burnout and the joint responsibility of leaders and employees to reduce burnout in the workplace. Her advice has also been featured on CNN Radio and in HR Director magazine, Training Magazine, Training Journal, Exeleon Magazine, Mindful Marketing, Becker’s Hospital Review, and PRSA’s Strategies & Tactics.
Jessica studied Executive Influence at Wharton, earned a master’s degree in Leadership & Business Ethics from Duquesne, and earned a bachelor’s degree in Mass Communication from Towson. She holds the Accreditation in Public Relations (APR) and certifications as a Leadership Coach, Lean Systems Leader, and Hogan Assessments Advisor.
She lives near Gettysburg, Pennsylvania, and is the mom to a former U.S. Army Paratrooper from the 82nd Airborne Division.
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