Do you have a meeting participant who regularly interjects plot twists that cause confusion, doubt, or fear? I call them grenade launchers, and I have a technique for getting things back on track.
But the first thing to keep in mind is that their grenade-launching behavior often stems from fear-based conditioning. They’ve learned that it’s valuable to over-question, interrogate, and pressure-test to protect against even the most unlikely of risks.
Irritating? Absolutely.
Do they have a hidden agenda and bad intentions? Maybe. Watch for patterns of undermining or harming others.
But, in most cases, they mean well. It’s just a survival mechanism or personality strength that, when overused, becomes detrimental to progress.
Here’s a 3-step approach for diffusing the situation:
Step 1: Listen
Take the time to hear them out until they feel understood. If you’re in a rush – and most of us are – remind yourself that investing a few minutes now will save you hours of meetings and conflict resolution conversations in the future.
And by “listen,” I mean truly listen – give them your full attention, encourage them to elaborate, reflect back your interpretation, and allow them to correct it.
For example, as a Strategist, I once led the project kickoff where a participant insisted our timelines didn’t include steps for getting approval from the legal and finance departments. Instead of shutting her down or ignoring her, I asked her to share more.
“Thank you for pointing that out. We haven’t included them in past projects like these, but let’s make sure we’re not skipping an important step. Where should we get them involved and what should we ask them to do?”
As she answered, I jotted notes so she could see I was taking her seriously. When she finished, I summarized:
“I see what you’re saying. Before finalizing the project strategy document, we should get on the agenda for the monthly finance and legal approval meetings so we don’t complete many hours of work that has the potential to go to waste. Is that the right way to say it?”
Step 2: Embrace
Validate their points, even if you don’t fully agree. Find parts of their argument that you do agree with and that help move things forward.
In my example, it sounded like this:
“Thank you for bringing that up. I agree – we need to plan carefully so we don’t waste time or set ourselves up for multiple rounds of rework.”
If their point is valid and the team should take action on it, delegate the task to the appropriate person. But, often, after they feel fully heard and respected, they’ll reconsider. In my case, she concluded:
“The budget we’re using is coming from the Strategic Planning Department, so Finance probably doesn’t want to be bothered with it. And, now that I see that we’re not sharing the final deliverables externally, I don’t see why Legal would require a review.”
Step 3: Replace
Find a connection between their point and the meeting’s next topic. This is your bridge back to the agenda – a way to keep them engaged and respected without derailing the discussion.
In my scenario, it sounded like this:
“Your point about reviews and approvals is a perfect segue into our next topic – here’s a look at the project timeline, including the dates when drafts and final versions will be reviewed.”
Final Thoughts
If you’re like 99.99% of overly stressed meeting leaders today, the thought of taking 5-10 minutes to engage with a grenade-launching colleague might make you physically ill. I still feel that way every time I do it, and I’ve done it dozens of times. But it always seems to even itself out. Time is funny that way, isn’t it?
I also worry about “wasting” the rest of the team’s time while I listen to our colleague’s perspective or that things will devolve into a fight. In reality, the team is watching you role model healthy leadership behaviors and learning more than you realize. And a fight is unlikely as long as you’re remaining authentically respectful.
Remember: investing a few minutes to truly hear and validate concerns doesn’t just get your meeting back on track — it models the kind of calm, respectful leadership that builds lasting trust.
Resources
The strategies above are rooted in Behavioral Science related to these areas:
- Psychological safety, amygdala hijack, and learned behaviors in risk-averse organizational cultures. This is why “grenade-launching” behavior is often fear-based and/or a survival mechanism.
- Motivational interviewing and active listening techniques are used to reduce defensiveness and increase collaboration.
- Conflict-resolution strategies that help keep the person engaged without rewarding unhelpful behavior.
About the Author
Jessica Walter is a strategy consultant and trusted advisor to senior executives looking to create energized, high-performing teams. With 20+ years in executive industry leadership and consulting, she specializes in uncovering the root causes of culture, engagement, change management, and communication challenges and crafting actionable strategies to drive sustainable turnarounds.
Author of Shifting the Energy: How Love Leads Remarkable Teams, Jessica has guided more than 30 organizations through complex culture shifts and shared insights from research involving over 200,000 employees. Her work has been featured at leadership and psychology conferences and in publications like HR Director and Training Magazine.
Jessica holds a master’s in Leadership and Business Ethics from Duquesne, studied Executive Influence at Wharton, earned a bachelor’s in Mass Communication from Towson, and maintains multiple certifications in coaching and organizational assessments. Based near Gettysburg, PA, she is the proud mom of a former U.S. Army Paratrooper with the 82nd Airborne Division.
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